so welcome to my world. i love the big city style, but i don't like any of that mainstream shit. to me, style is about expressing who you are and tight skirts with blazers don't allow enough room for expression. i love my long locks with loose clothes. i wear a million rings and bracelets at a time and that's me. i am audrina and i'm not going to change my taste because some blonde barbie bimbo says that's what's "in style". what the hell is a trend anyway? a trend is simply giving in to "society". you know what... a picture is worth a thousand words. enjoy this one kids.
so that's my style. but what about my life? you know, someone asked me the other day why i don't "dress up" for work. so now is dressing up considered being a preppy-j.crew wannabe? guess so. anyway, this question made me think about my style and my life. then i realized i'm writing this blog to explain my style. but style... there's always a story behind it. i asked myself why i wasn't a preppy daddy's little girl. i wondered if maybe i was wrong. as soon as these thoughts came, they went. don't ever let anyone tell you you're wrong. stand up for you.
anyway, i realized that while writing this blog, you need to know my story. why i am the way i am. so here goes nothing.
i am audrina. i now live in new york city and this city has become a part of me. i was born in san francisco. in california... if you didn't know where sf was, look at a map please. growing up in sf was great, but i hated being the stereotypical cali girl. plus, if you want to pursue fashion, nyc is where it's at. i have a brother, ryan. we were so close growing up. he was a year and a half younger than me, but we were best friends. he never was a perfect child growing up. and when he reached high school, things went downhill quick. he hung out with shitty kids and did some heavy drugs. it tore my family apart. my dad and mom constantly fought and i tried to help ryan. well, that proved impossible. it's damn hard to help a person who's high all the time. finally, ryan came around and slowed down on the drugs. my parents also stopped fighting. but things were never normal. i actually got into drugs because of ryan and had a pretty dark period of my life. ryan helped me get through it exactly like i helped him. my brother took out his anger with music. music literally saved his life. i don't tell you all this to sound like a screwed up chick, i tell you this so you know that this "live everyday as as if it is your last" mentality i have means more to me than you'll ever know. anyway, ryan moved out and didn't apply to college. instead, he played music for a living with some friends. he started doing drugs again and i didn't help this time. i went to college, just as my parents hoped.
college was when i realized i couldn't be that cookie-cutter daughter. there was something out there waiting for me, and i wasn't going to find it at college. so after my first year of college, i dropped out and moved to nyc. the first year was rough. i met some people who ... weren't the best of people. long story short- i was back doing drugs. think about it: two parents who gave everything to be the best parents end up with two drugged up kids. it wasn't fair for them and they blamed themselves. then got a divorce. that's when i crashed. i was a party girl. i drank, did drugs, didn't care about anything. i finally got a call that my dad was in the hospital and that was when i realized i had hit rock bottom and needed to change. thankfully, my dad was fine and left the hospital a week later. as for me- i stopped drinking, i stopped doing drugs, and i never went to parties. i put all my heart and soul into fashion. i'm not saying i know everything about fashion, but i know enough to never look back on my party days. i met people in this city who have been with me through everything. for them, i can never thank them enough.
my parents are still divorced. my mom is married to another guy who i refuse to accept as "dad". and my dad is in a serious relationship with another woman. and ryan, well he never calls my parents, he barely calls me and when he does, he's always high. he hasn't hit rock bottom yet, but at the rate he's going ... he'll be the next one in the hospital. he insists nothing is wrong with him and refuses any help. i know he needs help, but i can't sit around waiting for him to grow up. sometimes tough love is the only love i can give him. he has a girlfriend who hasn't made things better. instead, she's actually made him worse. she's high all the time too. so i guess they're a perfect match?
me? i have the best boyfriend in the world. his name is matt and i love him to death. he used to do heavy drugs and we actually met at one of those crazy parties. since then, we've grown up and stopped all that shit.
so yes, my family is screwed up. i never had the best life, but i can change all of that. i never had a lot of money growing up, but who says i can't have a lot of money now? this is my life and i'm not proud of my past. but i'm proud of my future. and that's what matters.
to ryan, i only hope he dumps that asshole of a girlfriend and gets some help.
to my parents, i wish i could be the child they always begged for. and that they get back together.
to everyone reading this, thanks. i had a shitty past, but you are apart of my great future.